


Forget

by AutisticWriter



Series: Banana Fish Angst Week [2]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alzheimer's Disease, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anti-shippers don't interact, Ash Lynx Lives, Ash Lynx and Okumura Eiji go to Japan, Banana Fish Angst Week 2019, Dementia, Doctors & Physicians, Guns, Holding Hands, Hugs, M/M, Married Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji, Married Couple, Old Age, One Shot, Post-Canon, Prompt Fic, Swearing, Terminal Illnesses, Unhappy Ending, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 16:38:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17410448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutisticWriter/pseuds/AutisticWriter
Summary: When Ash starts experiencing memory lapses, Eiji worries. And when things get worse, he and Ash go to see a doctor. The results… are not good.[Prompt: Forget]





	Forget

Eiji is sixty nine years old, fifty years since he first met Ash, when he realises something might be wrong. It’s only a little thing, but something keeps stabbing at the back of his mind and he can’t stop thinking about it.

Ash forgot where they parked the car. Eiji stood beside his husband, watching a confused frown settle on Ash’s face. That alone wasn’t enough to worry Eiji; if forgetting which parking space they used was all the problem was, he’d have worried about himself a hundred times over by now.

No, he worried when Ash took his hand and said, “Come on, we need to hurry. Don’t want to miss the train.”

And Eiji stared at something stabbed in his head as he said, “But, Ash… we drove here.”

That was yesterday, and Eiji can’t forget it. Ash is so intelligent, so why did someone as smart as him have such a huge memory blip?

Could… could there be something wrong with Ash? He doesn’t want to even consider it, but… what if…?

\---

Ash has an incredibly high IQ, so normal activities become very interesting when he is around. Watching quiz shows is hilarious when his husband answers the questions with ease, leaving Eiji stumped. Ash always wins when they play a board game or video game, and his memory is awesome, almost perfect.

So when Eiji has a husband like Ash, the weird changes stand out like flashing neon lights glaring at him through the darkness. They’re never drastic, but they always stand out to Eiji. Ash forgetting about parking the car was the first, but it’s not the last.

He and Ash play a word game one day and Ash’s score comes out really low. “I guess it’s not my day,” Ash says, but Eiji finds it hard to smile.

He and Ash go shopping and Ash can’t remember half the things on the shopping list he memorised. This leaves them standing in the middle of the supermarket, Eiji frowning and Ash rubbing his forehead.

Like he said, it’s always stupid things, small and inconsistent. But it doesn’t seem that way to Eiji.

\---

Ash hasn’t needed to use a gun in decades, but he does like to go to shooting ranges.

“I need to keep my reflexes sharp,” he said once, despite this only being heavily restricted use of a rifle on a shooting range, hardly the sort of thing he used to do back in America.

That’s one of the best things about living in Japan: knowing his husband isn’t walking around with a pistol. He never wants to see Ash carry a gun (outside of a place like this) ever again.

Anyway, a few months after the car incident, Eiji stands a safe distance away and watches his husband pick up a hunting rifle. Ash turns it over in his hands, studying it, but doesn’t make a move to load it. He just stands there.

After over a minute, Ash finally loads and readies the weapon but when he fires, he misses. There are six bullets in the rifle, and he misses six times, his bullets hitting the wall beside the target.

When Ash wanders over to the viewing area, pulling off his ear defenders, he mumbles, “I forget how to load it. And… what the fuck is up with my aim?” He stares at Eiji, actual fear in his eyes. “Eiji, is there something wrong with me?”

Eiji just stares back and holds his hands, wanting to say something positive but not knowing how to force it. “I… don’t know.”

\---

CRASH!

“Shit!”

Eiji gets jolted out of his afternoon nap (he’s allowed them at this age) but a shattering crash from the kitchen and Ash swearing. His heart racing, Eiji hurtles into the kitchen to find Ash stood in the middle of the room, his hand outstretched and his eyes wide. Shards of porcelain lay all over the floor, coffee pooling around them and soaking into Ash’s socks.

“Ash, are you okay?”

Ash stares down at his hand, blinking slowly. “My grip just… went. What the hell is wrong with me?”

Eiji steps around the mess on the floor and gives Ash a hug. “I… I’m not sure.”

Saying nothing more, Ash hugs him back, pressing his face into Eiji’s neck.

\---

“Eiji… should I see a doctor?”

Eiji flinches, looking up from his book. He turns his head, looking at his husband, who stares down at his iPad, the light of screen reflecting from his reading glasses. Ash’s eyebrows pinch together in an anxious frown, and he doesn’t look at Eiji.

“Huh? Why do you say that?”

Without saying a word, Ash passes Eiji the iPad. He stares at the screen, a Google results page, and his eyes widen when he sees what Ash searched.

**Memory loss, coordination problems and moments of confusion.**

Is Ash… trying to Google the changes that have happened recently?

“Ash—”

“Look at the results,” Ash mumbles, eyes screwed shut behind his glasses.

So he does, studying the titles of the web pages that appeared as results. And…

**Dementia: Signs and Symptoms**

**When is memory loss more than just a normal part of old age? An explanation of Alzheimer’s disease.**

“Shit,” he whispers.

He doesn’t want to think the worst, but… when he scrolls through these pages, it all starts to fit together like one big, terrifying jigsaw puzzle.

He doesn’t want to think the worst, but… his brain won’t stop stabbing and stabbing.

He doesn’t want to think the worst, but…

“Maybe…” He reaches for Ash’s hand and interlocks their fingers. “We should get it checked out. Just… to see.”

Ash grits his jaw, exhaling a slow, shaky breath. “Okay.”

\---

Five weeks of consultations, tests, scans and worry, he and Ash sit before a doctor, a man who looks about twenty years younger than them. He stares at his computer, scrolling through documents and results, and Eiji can’t read his expression.

Ash sits beside him, jaw clenched and hands clasped in his lap. His blond-grey hair hangs in front of his eyes, but he doesn’t flick it out of the way. Ash has always been very good at hiding his emotions, but Eiji has always been equally good at seeing through Ash. So… so whilst he may not look it, Eiji knows Ash is terrified.

The first appointment with a doctor went badly, when she made Ash take a simple test about telling the time and shit like that. And Ash, a man with an outstanding IQ, did incredibly badly. And they both wanted to be sick when the doctor frowned and said, “I’m going to refer you to a neurologist, Lynx-san.”

And then they spent weeks visiting people at their local hospital, for appointments and blood tests and more frowns from doctors. The blood tests came back clear, but when the neurologist did tests of Ash’s reflex, he said Ash needed a brain scan.

Ash had to have an MRI scan, and all Eiji could do was stand on the other side of the glass and watch his husband have plastic framework placed around his head to hold it in place and his body backed into the ominous machine.

And now… now they’re back in front of that doctor and he’s got the results and Eiji wants to throw up.

“Right, I have the results of the brain MRI we conducted last week,” the doctor says. he turns his swivel chair and looks at Ash. “Lynx-san, would you prefer your husband to leave the room when I tell you private medical information, or…”

“Eiji can stay,” Ash says. “He knows everything about me, so I don’t care.”

His voice is gruff, but Eiji smiles.

“I understand. So, the results of the MRI were… concerning.”

They both stare at the doctor.

“Concerning in what way?!” Eiji says, his heart racing. “Sensei, please tell us. Is Ash okay!?”

Ash stays silent, but grasps Eiji’s hand.

The doctor sighs. “I’m sorry, Okamura-san. The results confirm a suspicion I’ve held since I first did tests on your husband. Lynx-san’s brain scan tells us he is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease.”

And that’s it. Eiji’s world shatters. He wants to throw up or cry but neither of those happens, leaving him sat there, numb and terrified and praying this is wrong.

But it’s not wrong. The doctor, apologising again, shows them the images of the scan, pointing out the areas of degeneration in Ash’s brain.

This is real. Horrifyingly real.

Eiji squeezes Ash’s hand, listening to his husband’s slow breathing.

Ash doesn’t freak out like Eiji, just sitting there, staring at the images of his damaged brain on the screen. And then he whispers a single word:

“Fuck.”

\---

Ash has dementia.

Ash is going to forget him.

Ash is going to forget everything.

Ash is going to die.

Just how much longer will they have left together?

**Author's Note:**

> In Japan you address a doctor as 'sensei' when talking to them.
> 
>  
> 
> If you want me to write you a short fic, drop in a prompt at my [personal prompt meme](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/AutisticWriters_Personal_Prompt_Meme)!


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